I hate women.

There’s so much crap with them: intrigues, backstabbing, and whispers in the hallway. They are false and will smile to your face while making a mental note to repeat what you just told them to their best friend among their colleagues and roll their eyes about it later. I hate that of the twenty people at my job, there are only one woman and two men (the only men who work there, I may add) who dare speak up to our (female) boss. Our boss who, by the way, also sometimes talks behind other people’s backs. Fantastic.

I have no idea what people are saying about me (or if they are, even), except that my department leader told everyone that I get pissed off when she’s late back from her breaks. And yes, I do get pissed when she takes 45 minute breaks even though we’re only allowed 20 minutes, and I‘m alone with nine 1-year-olds who are all over the place. It’s not even legal to be alone with more than three children under the age of three – because it’s not safe!

I’ve been awake most of the night, having make-believe conversations with my boss, telling her I can’t work in an environment like this, that I’m quitting. My contract only lasts another five months anyway. God, five months! Suddenly that seems looooong! I tried to come up with something to do instead of working – or even think of someplace else to work until August. I thought about ordering a flight ticket for Spain already, just so there’s no turning back. And then I got this idea that people are talking behind my back, saying things like “She’s lying about that trip, you know. She’s not gonna go. How can she spend six weeks walking alone in Spain, when she’s afraid even to close the kindergarten by herself in the evening?” Which makes me all the more determined to go. And it makes me want to go NOW! But springtime there is filled with snowstorms, the summer is too hot, and autumn is really the only option I have. Which means I’ll have to wait though I’m so impatient it made me cry thinking about it.

This is how long it took me not to focus on the negative things in my life. Well done.
I’m no longer as keen to move to the city, either, because it’s not far enough away from this shithole. I want to move to another country for a while. Almost anywhere. If money wasn’t an issue, I’d just go. I’m sick of working altogether, and I’ll for sure never apply for a job in a kindergarten ever again. I can’t even imagine what I’d enjoy doing anymore.

But let’s throw in some good stuff in this post as well, just for good measure. Later today I’m going out with two of my former colleagues – from back when working there was actually fun. One of them is June, and I’ve missed her so much! We’re going out to eat Indian food (my favourite) and have a nice chat.

Also, I got two postcards yesterday - one from England and one from Finland.