Self discovery

I've got a bottle of red wine, some chocolate and pretzels, the new album by The National, and I'm skimming through some old magazines while watching bad TV with the sound off. I've got the house to myself until sometime tomorrow, and had no idea I'd enjoy it so much! :)

I just read this old Elle article about being single and enjoying it, and one of the points the writer made was how you should be comfortable in your own company before you can expect to be comfortable in someone else's company. I loved that article! She questioned the whole image of people not being a whole person until they find that significant other, and said that if you don't feel like a whole person then the last thing you should do is look for someone to fulfill you. Yay! Finally someone with the same opinions as myself!

It's only for the last year that I've started feeling secure within my own skin, and forming my own self image through discovering who I really am. And as much as I've hated living in this tiny place, completely secluded from everything and everyone that means anything to me (apart from Tess, and until Angie moved back home, obviously), I now realize that it's exactly this that has helped me figure myself out. Being alone and lonely, forced to spend lots of time in my own company simply because there's been no one else to spend it with.

Okay, so I don't know what I want to do with my life, but at least I know that I don't know. And I should stop panicking about it, because I will find out in time. All I can do is try this and that and see where I end up. And that's okay.

And this only after my second (albeit very big) glass of Merlot! Can't wait for the answers at the bottom of the bottle!

Erase and move on

I don’t have any new year’s resolutions. I don’t believe in them, at least not as such. Basically I believe they’re setting you up for failure, which in turn will make you feel like a miserable little fucker who can’t even keep a new year’s resolution. So, I’m doing things a wee bit different.

First off, let me tell you that for once I’m actually excited about the new year. Normally I hate the idea that another year has gone by and yet I’ve achieved nothing. Now I actually start 2010 with a job, good friends, and the outlines of a plan.

Also, I’ve achieved something in 2009 that I feel will set the tone for the rest of my life: I wrote a novel!

As you may have noticed I’ve erased my past, in order to start the new decade with a completely clean slate. All my previous posts are gone, and I’ve changed the template. This will achieve the goal of letting go of the bad stuff holding me back, as well as opening up to the future (also I no longer have to be paranoid about people I know finding the blog and being able to read about my past).

So, here’s what I’ll do: rather than making a list of resolutions, I’ll make a list of hopes and expectations for the year :)

1. Find an apartment and move to the city, hopefully by August.
2. Look for jobs that I actually want!
3. Finish my novel, which now has received its final title - Snow Angels, and write the first draft of another one.
4. Buy a small laptop, and start hanging out at cafés… :p
5. Travel. Once to Poland and visit Angie, and once to… wherever Firkløveret (Rhiannon, Louisiana, Bríd and I) will be going next. I believe Scotland was suggested… as well as going back to Paris. If I can throw my two cents in (but we’ve actually decided Bríd – as the youngest – has the final say), I’ll suggest Venice.

But since there’s nothing I can do about any of it right at this very moment, I’m off to watch some more Boston Legal :)


Happy New Century!